Letting go...(a little bit!)

I'll be the first to say it..I can admit it...I'm one of those moms.  I have some trouble letting go.  I want my kids to be individuals, to a point... Well, I'm working on it.  There is something about having your kids getting older that is so enjoyable but so sad at the same time.  My little boys are growing up and my mother's heart is aching.  I remember feeling them move inside me, Cameron my acrobat, never still, always kicking, making me crave Subway footlongs and PB&J sandwiches.  Peyton pretty still and relaxed most days, but Oh boy, did that child ever have the hiccups.  I remember as soon as I'd lay down to sleep he'd start hiccuping inside my belly, a weird and rhythmic tapping.  He made me crave anything sour, which is odd for me because normally it's sweets all the way!  After they were born I remember that smell..when I'd give them a bath and snuggle them in warm pajamas and then sniff their feather soft hair.  So sweet, remembering almost makes me cry.  So many nights spent rocking them to sleep, feeling their warm tiny bodies snuggled so perfectly in my arms.  After Peyton was born I'd settle in the chair with him in one arm and Cameron in the other.  My heart was so full I felt it would burst.  They still love to cuddle together and will often yell "group hug!!" and come running for a snuggle.  Although now if they were both in my lap I think my legs would break.  These kids are getting HUGE!! 

Recently Cameron has really had a thing about being independent.  This is hard for me.  Peyton was strong willed since birth.  That child has always been so individual, knowing exactly what he wanted, from clothing to hair.  Never caring what anyone thought, he loves corduroy pants, pinstripes, and ties and bowties.  He loves to dress up.  HE wants his hair to be long, maybe a ponytail even...This has not bothered me at all.  I don't know why, it should.  After all he is my younger one, my baby.  It should bother me that he wants to grow up too quickly, make his own choices, and not care about what mom thinks.  It doesn't though.

But Cameron, that is a whole different story.  He has never really cared about what he wore as long as it was comfortable.  He hates to dress up and has some sensory issues with different fabrics and fasteners.  He has always been my t-shirt and jeans or sweatpants kid.  He never cared about how his hair looked or how I cut it (usually the same buzz cut every time).  We really haven't dealt with much peer pressure either since he is home schooled.  Until recently.  He is a man!  At least that's what he thinks.  He wants to do things alone, mom.  Meaning without ME.  How dare he want to grow up.  I am just not ready for it.  So for the past month I have been digging in my heels.  NO WAY, SON.  You are not going to get a mohawk.  Why not?  Because I said so!! (and because I cut your hair) Hahahaha!  He has been persistent, I will give him that.  He has asked me every day.  I have said no every day.  Well almost every day.  I didn't want him to look like a delinquent.  Really he's a very nice boy, he should look like it.  Yes, I know it's stereotyping and I was wrong, I'll admit it.  I really want him to be an individual, I do.  And he wasn't asking for a tattoo or a weird piercing, right?? SO...

I bit the bullet.  I did it.  He couldn't be more proud.   He just loves his new hairdo.  I have to admit it, I like it too.  He really does look good with it.  On Sunday, he got all dressed for church and we spiked it again.  He got so many nice compliments.  And you know what???  He's still the same old Cameron.  I learned a lesson, and I think just to be sure I got it, God taught me one too.  We went out Saturday evening to the store.  Cam was getting a few looks and I was cringing inside.  Part of me wanted to say, "He's really a nice boy... really".  I kept my jaw shut though.  Then when we got done, we went out to the car.  Of course as soon as we got out there the boys had to go to the bathroom, so I took them back in while Jared loaded the car.  Cameron got done first and asked if he could go out to the car awhile.  I said yes (actually I said, "OK, but don't run, or talk to any strangers, and look before you cross the parking lot")   So off he went.  As me and Peyton were walking back to the car I noticed a woman talking to Jared.  I thought it was someone we knew.  It wasn't, she was just telling Jared how we should be proud of our son.  Turns out as Cameron was coming out of the store, this woman's mother was going in with a cast on her arm.  Cameron held the doors for her and got her a cart.  I was so proud of him...and a little bit humbled too.  Thank you God, I needed that :)    
Oh, Cameron did ask to get his ear pierced.  What did I say..?   "Sure, but you do know they use a piercing GUN for that,  right?"   He hasn't asked again. HA!